I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
