i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
