She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have demons in me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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