Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
