Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so let's talk penis.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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