uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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