so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
