Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I need a burrito and a hug.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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