the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
