went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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