I didn't shave. On purpose
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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