just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
