Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
