marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
