Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
