i just had sex bonerless
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
