If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
