I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
