Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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