I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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