The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
