I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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