it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
