Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
