We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
