last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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