no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
