I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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