Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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