Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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