Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
