from now on my penis is your penis
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
