Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
