I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
