Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
