I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
