Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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