How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think my mom watched the whole time
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
