She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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