Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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