Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
why is half of my head shaved?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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