I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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