you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
