So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
