Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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