Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
