I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
