i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Vodka?
Forever.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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