so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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