I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think I just shit out all my problems.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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