Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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