the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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