Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
