Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
