There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
