Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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