I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
