you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How does one acquire holy water?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize