I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
