i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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