I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
