WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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