I'm lost and stupid without you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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