she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
