Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize