Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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