I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
