A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
