And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
