So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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