Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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