you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I want to fling myself into the sun
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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