No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
