trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
