Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
