imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
