Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
