It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize