i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
