I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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