That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
