i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
