Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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