I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
