My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize