last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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