if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
