My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize