Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I want to fling myself into the sun
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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