Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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